Psycho Freak

I have nothing against my gender preferences. Yes, I like girls. And yes, I am definitely, in every aspect of the word, GAY. I do not give a fuck about what others might say or think about me. As far as I am concerned, and as far as I know, I did not do anything that is against the law or the Philippine constitution even. I didn’t step on anybody’s foot to get where I am or to achieve what I might even have. Yes, I am gay and I am proud of it.

I was not born to be criticized or to be judged by people. I don’t care if you call me a fag, a she-male, a dyke, a butch or a lesbo. You could say whatever you want to, this is a free country after all. But bear in mind that what you say, would not change who I am. And even if you say it a thousand times more, I am still gonna be proud of whoever I am today. Why? Simple. Because being who I am makes me unique and separates me from the norm. There’s nothing wrong with loving the same sex. We are all but human. God created man and from man, he created a woman. So, did the bible forget to write something about us? We’re still the same kind. But just like how everything in the world adapts to change, so did we. In the mere absence or lack of men who knows how to truly respect a woman, our kind was brought to existence. Tell me, is it unlawful to show a person, whether of the same sex or not, how it feels to be loved and to be well-taken care of.

I am not less of a man just because you’re the one blessed with a dick and I have none. This is not even a question on who’s the better man. This isn’t about size and this is not about everything else you have that I don’t. This is about showing some respect to people - respect that we, as part of God’s creation, deserves to have. The more you put us down, the more it shows that we are not the freaks of society, you are.

Life's a Bitch

This morning I received a text from one of the IBM people I sent my resume to. He said that the position I was applying for was temporarily closed and there’s no further information yet on when it would be available. I received the message at about 9am in the morning. I felt my heart crushed. Like I was dumped or something. It’s a reality check for me - not to be too hopeful, not to expect too much.

Then later in the afternoon, when I was checking my emails, I stumbled upon a message from the first IBM employee I spoke to (different from the aforementioned person). He then gave me the news that the HR department just informed him that they have new positions opened just today. He forwarded my CV letter to HR and told me that I would be receiving a call within the week. My hopes went up again.

It feels like a rollercoaster ride. But I am still hoping that they’d call. Praying so hard, wishing that this is meant for me. If not, it would really be disappointing. But life goes on right?

I trust the Lord for whatever path He wants me to have. If this is for me, He would gladly give it. If not, He has something better in store for me.

Today’s lesson: Never lose hope. Expect but not too much. And, always have faith in the Lord above.

Moving On 101

Moving on 101 - Is there really a guide for such thing? I don’t know. It’s different for each person - how to handle bad break-ups, how to move on. Some could take it easy, enjoying the freedom and the life of being “unattached” while some take it the hard way, sulking with guilt all night or crying herself to sleep.

It’s hard to give friends (who just broke up with her partner) an advice that she needs to hear. When you put yourself in that same situation, you tend to just understand and pity the people involve. Good or bad break-up - it doesn’t matter. Fact is, you still broke up, whatever reason it is.

I had my heart broken real bad twice. And so I understand if I see friends crying over a boy or a girl for that matter. I’ve been there, almost the same situation. But there are still times that I don’t understand why my friends still choose to stay in a relationship that would just give them pain, those that they know would crush their hearts. It is definitely being stupid. I guess love and stupidity coincides with each other from time to time. I admit of being “stupidly” in lovebefore. I was young. We all go through that stage, right? But there’s always a time where you’re just fed up with all the bullshits thrown at you that you learn to accept the sad and bitter truth that it’s never going to work out. You’ll later realize that enough is enough. Day by day you would be able to gather the strength to let things be and just move on with your life. The tears you have shed will eventually dry up and the scars from kneeling down, pleading for them to come back, would later on heal by itself. Remember, everyone has their limits. When you reach that point, there’s no turning back, there are no regrets. You did what you could. You just couldn’t save a relationship that is bound to fall from the start.

I totally understand if my friends choose to be slaves of stupidity, whether it be for a month or even for years. I just hope and pray that one day they would be able to see that their happiness lies not only with the ones they are with now. And that love is everywhere, they don’t need to go searching for it. Most of all, I hope that them being overly “gaga” wouldn’t go to waste. In layman’s term, I hope the person they choose to love, deserves to be loved that way.

Respect. Love. Trust. Truth. Understand. Patience. Talk.

Superhuman - Am I? (Day 25)

Time out with all the cursing, hatred, and disappointments. It is a new day (or week) after all. Let’s just all move on and be happy with life. Not! Lol. Though being happy all the time serves as a tool for bringing in good karma, when life brings you down or throws you shit, you totally become human. Don’t pretend that you are okay when deep inside you’re not. Don’t smile if you want to cry or shout. There is nothing wrong with being human. You get hurt, you fall, you cry, you get mad. Once in a while, act like one ordinary human being. It won’t kill you if you do. What might wear your whole system out is the fact that you still try to bury all those emotions inside of you. That could kill you.

I love being happy - smiling without any reason, ignoring all the problems, always having my plain-old-game face. This is who I am. But every now and then, as much as I want to keep it inside and just be happy, I can’t. I’m not a robot. This is not something you could just fix with one short trip to a mechanic. This is life. So I have learned to cope with it. I have learned how to open up my feelings. I don’t want to die young. I still want to be able to live all my dreams. To have a home, to get married to the girl I love, to watch my kids run around the house. I am going to live my dream. From this day forward, I swear, I will.

Old Friend (Day 24)

This post contains a lot of cursing. Beware kids.

***

I have never been so disappointed with anyone all my life - but you just made the exception.

Thought you were my good old friend. I guess that is an understatement of who you are or what we even used to be. What the fuck happened? As far as I remember, I used to be the friend you turn to in times of trouble. The one you rush to when life throws you tons of bricks in the face. Seriously. What the fuck am I to you now? Like you don’t fucking care at all. Are you just plain fucking screwing me? Do you think this is just one funny game huh? Why don’t you just say it straight to my face? Do you still even see me as a friend? Or do you even think, even for a second, what I might feel? How about showing a little respectdear old friend?

I have had enough of all your bullshit lies and excuses. I have had enough of you.

Screw you. Karma bites big time. Goodluck with that. The next time you need me, I don’t think I would still be there. Sorry, but you just blew all the chances I gave you. Fuck you.

Daily Rants (Globe; Day 21)

Once again GLOBE, you have failed me. Why?!!!

Today (July 12, 2010), I decided to load up my phone with P150. For someone as cheap as me, this is quite big you know. I wanted so bad to get that SUPER ONE PROMO so I could call and text my gf 24/7. I waited all night for my one day unlimited texting to expire. When it did, and when I tried subscribing, all I was able to get was a fucking sorry from Globe. It said something like “Sorry, blah blah blah, postpaid blah blah”. And so I realized, it was just a promo for Globe Postpaid and MySuperPlan subscribers.

Screw you Globe! I really really hate you right now! T.T

My future children, when the time comes that your mom and I permits you to get your own phone, I do hope that Globe finally has a better service. If not, we’ll all subscribe to some other Telecoms Company.

13 to-do Items for my Future Children

I don’t know how old I already am or if I am still alive by the time you read this, I just want you to know that your Dad (yes I want you to call me Dad) spent some time thinking about you even before getting married, that’s how much I love you.

So here’s your to-do list and this is mandatory.

1. Pray and read the Bible everyday.
2. Share the Gospel of God.
3. Love your Mom and make her happy always.
4. Be righteous. Be right with God, not right with the world.
5. Make lots of good friends. GOOD friends.
6. Love your cousins, keep a tight family bond.
7. Love Philippines just as I loved it and always try to make it a better place.
8. Study/Work hard as if it’s your last chance to do it.
9. Spend time to practice playing your musical instrument.
   (I don’t know what particular instrument yet, but you’ll be playing one for sure)
10. Love your Mom and make her happy always.
11. Always smile and always try to make other people smile as well.
12. Read lots of books! Hopefully, by the time you’re reading this, I’ve already published my book. Read that.
13. Love your Mom and make her happy always.

Remember, my future children, though some of the things listed here might turn out to be hard for you, just promise me that you love your MOM and make her happy always, like I did.